Ok, so it’s been a while (actually, so long that I almost forgot my WordPress login info… Eeeesh), and I haven’t written in what seems like forever because things just seem to get in the way, like life. And I’ve been really trying not to only write in times where I just crave a good vent sesh but, well, life.
Anyway, you know how everyone always seems to warn us about the most liberating but seemingly dreadful years of our lives, AKA the 20-somethings, and they say things like, “Life is only gonna get harder,” and, “You’re gonna wish you were back in college,” and you were like, “Yeah, sure, ok, I’m 23 and done with school and free and am totally gonna find myself this year!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Well, for all my Friends fanatics out there, I turned 24 about a month ago (yes, I know I’m still an infant), but life has been just kick-me-in-the-crotch-spit-on-my-neck fantastic, and the answer to that “Who am I?” question has been scribbled, erased and bullshitted more times than a calculus midterm word problem.
Alright fine, it’s not that bad. In fact, it’s not bad at all, but the 20-something little brat in me likes to get down on herself once in a while about what is arguably nothing, so I had a mini epiphany to write a letter to my future self, and read it during the times I think I’m completely “lost” and in a life rut, whether my “future” self is me tomorrow, next week, next year or 5 years from now. So here goes nothing, friends.
Dear Future Me,
If you’re reading this and you still don’t have all the answers to life, that’s perfectly OK. Chances are pretty high that you will never have all the answers, and that’s also perfectly OK. If there’s anyone who knows you really well, it’s me, your stubborn, emotional younger self, and you may not want to accept what I’m about to say, but I’m here to share my hopes for you, Future Me, and most importantly to tell you to stop being so God damn hard on yourself!
But first, let me just go out on a limb and ask, are relationships and stinky boys the main thing that’s getting you down? Yeah, I figured. See, I know you better than you think. Younger me probably shouldn’t be preaching until she actually starts practicing what she preaches, BUT I’ve started to realize that finding the right person isn’t a race. You have and will continue to fail at numerous relationships, but don’t question your character in the process. When you read this and if you’re still single or you’re not, continue to put yourself out there whole-heartedly; maybe don’t give everything away in the beginning, but hey, we all make mistakes, and those mistakes, in time, will only pave the way to the right person.
Also, I know how social media-savvy you are, and how you over-analyze everything you see, and I know it will continue to throw false interpretations of happiness and love in your face, but I hope you take what you see with a grain of salt (or a bucket) because more times than not, the couple that just posted the cutest lovey picture was probably in a screaming fight .2 seconds before it was posted. Oh, and on that note, try not to be too bitter toward your friends who ARE happy. They’re in a different place in their lives and there’s nothing wrong with that. Despite the emotional exhaust and resentment that comes with a broken heart, I hope you still continue to give love with everything you have, whether that be relationships or any aspect of life. Your strength has always been your passion, even though you like to view it as a weakness.
But really quick, back to younger you, who is currently sitting on her laptop at 10:23 p.m., with a slow sappy Taylor Swift melody playing in the background. I started a new job about two months ago after I turned down what I thought was always the job of my dreams and I have zero regrets about my decision. Every day is a constant obstacle as I wonder where my life will be a year or two years or 10 years from now, but hey, that’s what the twenties are all about, right? I change what I want to be when I grow up almost every day, but then again, I still can’t even settle on a hair color for the life of me. I continue to believe I was put alone in this city for a big purpose, but I still don’t know what that purpose is yet. I use my middle finger more than my left blinker when driving in this madness of a city, and I am constantly sitting front row on the struggle bus of life. I have a little bit of faith (sometimes not enough) and a lot of guidance and patience from my support system, so that is why I’m here for you, Future Me, because you’re gonna slip and fall and without a helping hand, life it just too tough.
When you read this, I understand that you will be reading something that was written in the past, and obviously change is inevitable, but I hope you always stay true to who you are. Still continue to exude kindness to others, because one important thing I have learned is that kindness imprints the greatest impression on you and your character. But Future Me, most importantly, I hope you have learned to be kinder to yourself.
Once in a while, step back and take a look at all you have accomplished so far, even if you don’t think so. Give yourself a break, a huge pat on the back and an even bigger cookie. You deserve more credit than you give yourself. You’ve accomplished a lot in a short amount of time, so just think what else is possible in an even bigger amount of time. You might still be alone in a city that’s too big for you, and you may not understand the reason behind that yet, but if your strength and perseverance has dragged you through psychotic roommates, lonely nights, broken hearts and tough life choices and you’re still alive, it won’t let you down.
And when you look in the mirror, as hard as it may be, try not be too harsh of a critic to your physical appearance. I once read somewhere that you should always treat your body well because you love it, not because you hate it. I know you’ve been working on your body and you’ve been down on yourself for not shredding the pounds sooner than you hoped. Well, are you ready for the truth? You’re never going to be a size 2. You have curves. You have boobs (great ones) and a butt (also a great one) even though they will forever be a burden while you run, stand, sit, swim, eat, sleep, etc. One day, this body will be home to a human being growing inside of it. Have you ever heard anyone complain because of too many pillows? Thought so. Sometimes, extra cushion ain’t all that bad.
And so what if it’s taking you a little longer to drop the post-college weight you’ve been trying so hard to lose? Did you regret eating that Sprinkles red velvet cupcake the other day? That’s what I thought, NOBODY regrets eating that Sprinkles red velvet cupcake. What matters the most is that you have a goal, and you haven’t given up on it. That will stick with you much longer than those few unwanted lbs.
I hope you still always take the time to be with your family, which I have no doubt you will because let’s face it: They’re awesome. You’re lucky you’re able to see them all the time and tell them you love them in person and every other little detail about your life… sometimes too many details. Even when they are sick of getting text messages starting with, “I’m in a rut and I don’t know why,” they will always be your rock. Plus, not everyone can say their parents are also their “friends.”
I really do wish we could talk, because it would be pretty interesting to compare what I know now, and what I will continue to learn when I catch up to you. I’d probably talk your head off and tell you to get a grip, but for now, this is what I know (even when I don’t want to admit it) and what I hope for you. Oh, and in attempts to answer that impossibly trick question, “Who am I?,” just know that (also for my Mean Girls fanatics) the limit does not exist. You can be anything you set your mind to, whether it is an author, a best friend, a daughter, a mother but always remember that just being YOU is more than enough.
Because if you really take a moment to look at yourself, you’re a pretty neat girl.